tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974207119137509719.post4921735696365424082..comments2013-06-07T23:48:07.842-04:00Comments on 409 for Thought: Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00331030883371371862noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974207119137509719.post-54171763433159283732012-09-18T14:14:50.361-04:002012-09-18T14:14:50.361-04:00Girls and Peter,
I will work on intergrading the ...Girls and Peter, <br />I will work on intergrading the quotes, changing some of the sentences that repeat, and finding more evidence. thank you :) Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03059299832496960488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974207119137509719.post-71403475159736771102012-09-18T14:14:02.266-04:002012-09-18T14:14:02.266-04:00Hi Sarah- i like the use of quotes and anaylisis t...Hi Sarah- i like the use of quotes and anaylisis that really helps towards the growth of your paragraph, your paragraph is strong in the fact that the evidence works well with your context, the only thing is to read it aloud to pick up on minor issues, but other than that you have a strong paragraph that does not need much change.PsyhogeosBluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06989314046295167109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974207119137509719.post-61381706156038932232012-09-18T14:01:39.240-04:002012-09-18T14:01:39.240-04:00hello:)
I like how you integrated your quoters bec...hello:)<br />I like how you integrated your quoters because they made it really seem like it was malthus's point and made your sentences sound like they were really his. One thing that i see is that your are repeating your self in some of the sentences because it seems like you don't have enough to say. try to read the short reading again and see if you can find any more evidence!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07689988270944988652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974207119137509719.post-52238003319382497922012-09-18T13:52:51.304-04:002012-09-18T13:52:51.304-04:00hi-i think this is overall really good. I love the...hi-i think this is overall really good. I love the quote that you added into the paragraph as a example. A few things you could change are: you use the phrasing 'Malthus States' or 'Malthus thinks' a lot...maybe try and use a different word other than think or states, or put He in place of Malthus. Also, in the last sentence it should be positive checks* Maybe in the last sentence you could re-word a bit instead of "maintained the population so that the population did not exceed the food production" you could say "overall Malthus believed that people needed to control the population and that the positive checks also continued to maintain the population and the food production did not exceed," or something like that! Good job and hoped this helped:)<br />-Diana Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04549640594827382774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974207119137509719.post-63057288320540683112012-09-18T13:51:38.902-04:002012-09-18T13:51:38.902-04:00Hi Sarah
I really like how you integrated the Ma...Hi Sarah <br /><br />I really like how you integrated the Malthus quotes in your sentences. The quotes didn't make your sentences sound awkward or choppy and really helped get the point across. I think in some places there are repetitive sentences so reading it over again and taking out/combining sentences might help improve the clarity of your paragraph. hsiehbluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17322955161898298061noreply@blogger.com