Extra Credit Term 4 Evan Megan

                                                                                                                                            Evan Megan
                                                                                                                                            Purple
          Although country's political stability was important, it was the economic and militaristic ambition of nations during modern world history that defined their global dominance, as this ambition drove nations to succeed. The industrial revolution dominated the European economy during the early 1800's, and at the forefront of this revolution was the British. The British were responsible for many inventions which sparked the industrial revolution's creation, for example they created the "Spinning Jenny" and other machines that helped to make manufacturing clothes easier. The British's role as a leader in this revolution helped to create a successful economy, and in turn established themselves as a global power. The British controlled much of the world's clothe making. The British were successful because of their economic ambition. They took a chance, creating new technology and breaking free from the traditional methods of clothe making, and it paid off as it led to the economic success, and global success of the British. Not only did economic ambition define global dominance during modern world history, but also militaristic ambition. Around the 1870's, Otto Von Bismark, the Chancellor of Prussia, was an established leader in Europe. He led a nationalist movement in Prussia, using his army to unite all the German and Austrian nations to create a Prussian Empire. Bismark's militaristic success was due to his ambition. He worked hard to bring his nation together to fight for  his nationalist cause, and he worked hard to  execute the capture of the territories around him, and this ambition led to the success that was the Prussian Empire. In modern world history, economic and militaristic ambition defined global dominance, as this ambition drove countries to success.

Definition of  global dominance in the modern world  

Based on the information we have learned this term, the main goal to achieve global dominance is by obtaining political power, economical powers, and military power. If these powers are then achieved, the nation will be able to utilize these powers in the foreign battles. For example, the United States has become one of the globally dominant powers after two world wars because of their strong economical and political strength. When the United States intervened in the two wars, they helped the Allie power to turn the wars around and dominate. Additionally, the quick end to the war after the involvement of the U.S helps show their advanced military power. When the United States entered WWII in 1941 they helped prevent the Axis Powers from taking over all of Europe, spreading hate for the Jews. Another example that shows United State’s global dominance can be seen by their involvement within the United Nations. The fact that 90% of the UN troops were from the United States that helped support Southern Korea in the Korean war shows how dominant they are and how important it is to them to intervene in world issues. Even though the Korean War is not officially over and is at a standstill, there are still military troops in Korea, which shows the United States willingness and readiness to restart the war and continue to exemplify their dominance of the modern world. Will Perry Tan Block

Term 4 Extra Credit

Amy Hsieh

6.07.13

Blue

What Defines Global Dominance in the Modern World?

               While many factors affect the amount of influence a single nation has over the world, an important factor in determining dominance in the modern world is a nation's military success. Having a strong leader who holds power over its citizens and its military is also a defining factor in a nation's global dominance. For example, Germany succeeded in rising to power even after its loss at World War I. Hitler built up a strong army, improved economy, and unified his people, and made Germany one of the most internationally feared countries at the time. Yet, after a second major defeat at World War II, Germany lost a strong leader and its status as a global power. Their loss of World War II and subsequent loss of international influence emphasizes the importance of military success in order to maintain global dominance. On the other hand, the US, Great Britain, and the Soviet Union, victors of World War II, gained power and influence as global superpowers as a result of their military success. Britain had previously won the first world war with the aid of the US, where they began gaining more dominance. After the US and the Soviet Union proved victorious in Wold War II, they later controlled most of the UN, which gave them even more global dominance. Although the two nations were previously not as dominant, their military success enabled them to become superpowers, illuminating the importance of military success in international affairs. Military success helps a nation gain influence and more importantly, recognition from other countries, which defines global dominance in the modern world.

Term 4 Extra Credit

Tiffany Cai

Purple Block

Term 4 Extra Credit: What defines global dominance in the modern world?

In the modern world, global dominance is defined as having strong strategic leaders and a powerful military. In the mid-1800's Otto Von Bismarck was the leader of Germany and he was best known by his use of the strategy, real politik. That is defined as being able to do whatever it takes in order to reach your goals, and Bismarck was fine with doing anything if it meant he could get his way. The use of this strategy led to the unification of Germany as well a strong military, two aspects of a globally dominant nation. Despite the fact that Bismarck used subversive tactics in order to unify Germany, he was still able to achieve his goal through a powerful military. In order to unify Germany, Bismarck strategically edited the Ems telegram by turning France and Prussia against each other, "Fight we must if we do not want to act the part of the vanquished [defeated] without a battle"^. Even though this caused war, the people of Prussia united to work towards a common goal, which led to the formation of a unified Germany adding land from Austria and other parts of Europe in the process. The unified states of Germany proved to be extremely useful because it allowed people to work as a whole. Unifying the people also led to a larger, more powerful military; the fact that they were motivated to work towards a common goal helped make them stronger, which was helpful in winning other wars.  Bismarck's clever use of real politik led to unification, a strong military, as well as the ability to make Germany one of the strongest world powers by the time World War I began.  In addition, during the Korean War, the United States was considered as one of the two main powers in the United Nations. This high status translated to the military, when North Korea invaded South Korea in 1950 and the United States intervened. Although the United Nations condemned the invasion and sent troops to help, 90% of those troops were from the United States which reveals their militaristic power. The United State's influential power and large military demonstrated how countries became globally dominant. 

Term 4 Extra Credit

Term 4 Extra Credit

Eunice Lee

Tan

6/5/13

What defines global dominance in the modern world? 

            Based on the informations we have learned throughout the course, the bottom line for a global dominance is political, economical, and military power. Then, under these power, the nation must have ability to invovle in foreign issuses neutrally and legitamately or has an sphere of inluence toward world. For instance, United State has become one of the globally dominant nation after World War II, in which they first revived their economy through manufactuing militray supplies for the Allies during the war. In addition, the quick end of war after United State’s invovlement proves their advanced military power. Another example that shows United State’s global dominace can be seen from the Korean War. Not only the fact that United State was one of the major power in U.N Security Council, but also the fact that United State set up a tursteeship government in South Korea and the fact that 90% of U.N troops were from United State shows their dominance to interfer in global issues. Also their occupation in Korea was performed based on U.N charter not injustice. Moreover, the fact that there are still Unite State military base in Korea shows their unwaining global dominance. Lastly, the democratic government in South Korea demonstrates United State’s phere of political influence. 

Term 4 Extra Credit

Catherine McNamara

Purple Block

In the modern world, global dominance is defined by economic stability, international relations, and militaristic power. Economic stability is a sign of unification and general stability within a nation. This could be seen in Russia, who rose to world power after Lenin developed a Communist economy that allowed Russia to thrive through trade and development. Stabilizing the country internally allowed Lenin to look outwardly in his ambitions without having to worry about a collapse at home. This economic stability then led to international relations as Russia began to trade with other countries to continually grow their economy. This not only put Russia on the world stage, but also allowed them to build relationships with other countries that were in power. The concept of COMINTERN (the spread of Communism internationally) also helped to grow Russia’s international relations as they aligned themselves with other Communist nations. Finally, the development of military power allows a nation to appear outwardly powerful and intimidating. Russia developed their large military and eventually took a leading role in World War II, as well as having a strong arms presence in both the Korean and Vietnamese conflicts. Particularly in the case of Russia, a strong economy, international relationships, and a large and dominant military allowed for countries to rise to a status of global dominance.

Extra Credit
In the modern world, global dominance was achieved through unique strategies and a fast come back due to strong leaders within the country. In the middle 1800’s, Germany was lead by Otto Von Bismarck who “was responsible for the political strategy that lead to [the] unification[of Germany]” (page 42 in the Nationalism reader). The political strategy he used was called Realpolitik where he believed that nations should do whatever is necessary to get what they want. For example, Bismarck demonstrated Realpolitik when send out the Ems Telegram to France instigating the Franco-Prussian war. Due to the concept of Realpolitik, Bismarck joined the southern German states to the Northern German confederation by instigating this war with France. Therefore, because of Bismarck’s advanced political strategy and strong leadership, he was able to take over other nations as well as unifying Germany. Later in the early 1900s, Germany uses war tactics and strategies to meet their goals. Later at the Paris Peace conference, because of Germany’s advanced and threatening military, the Allied powers limited the size of German army. Unfortunately, Germany was held responsible for the damage of the war and was forced to pay reparations for the property. Although the negative outcome of the war, Germany’s new, strong, totalitarian leader, Adolf Hitler used his drive for power to win 229 seats in the German Parliament and became the most representative party by using the strategy of brownshirts to influence the population. Therefore, even though Germany was responsible for the reparations of the war, Germany’s fast come back and beneficial strategies due to Germany’s strong leaders made her one of the most influential and dominant nations of modern world history.
- Natasha Snapper, Purple

Term 3 Extra Credit

                                                                                                                                             Evan Megan
    
        Both Imperialism and Nationalism related with World War II, as leaders often shared mutual motivation for fighting in both. World War II leaders and Imperialist leaders both strove the promotion of the more "Dominant Race". In World War II, German leader, Adolf Hitler wrote Mein Kampf, which established many of the Nazi party ideologies. In Mein Kampf, Hitler promoted the Aryan race (Mein Kampf readings). For Hitler, the promotion of the Aryan race was a driving force behind much of his fighting in WWII. Hitler fought to rid his country of all other races. Similarly, Imperialist leaders took over other nations to spread the influence of their own race. In 1871 the British ruled India. In India, the British felt it was their responsibility as the White, supreme race, to show the Indians their culture. The British imperialists built hospitals, schools, and roads in India (91 of imperialism reader). Imperialist leaders took over nations so that they could spread the benefits of their race, as well as eliminate the culture of native peoples. BothWorld War II leaders and Imperialist leaders worked to fight for their own race.
         World War II also related with Nationalism, as the leaders often fought for the restoration of old values. Benito Mussolini, an Italian Fascist leader who took control of Italy in 1922, fought to restore the Roman Empire. He did this by trying to conquest more land, such as Ethiopia (Benito Mussolini ABC-CLIO). For Mussolini, the restoration of old values was drove him to fight. Nationalist leaders also fought to restore old values. Chinese nationalist leader, Chiang Kai-Shek tried to take control of China in the Inter-War Period. Chiang tried to take control so that he may restore ancient values of modesty and righteousness, also known as "Li Yi Lian Chi" (pg 105 Totalitarianism leader). Chiang Kai-Shek was driven to fight for the restoration of old values. World War II was able to relate with Imperialism and Nationalism, as the leaders often shared common goals in both.

Term 3 Extra Credit

During the time between World War I and II, nations were in chaos; their economies had worsened and a loss of pride in nations such as Germany caused widespread grief around the world. From this chaos emerged totalitarian leaders, such as Hitler and Mussolini, who used fear and violence to gain power. These leaders, although threatening to the voice of the people, also inspired nationalist beliefs within their countries. These beliefs inspired an aggression in nations similar to that during imperialism. The totalitarian leaders brought their countries against other nations, many times succeeding and many times resulting in a loss for the nation. For example, the nationalist and imperialist beliefs of Japan inspired its people to invade China in order to gain control of East Asia (China video); however, this caused an influx of nationalism in China, who then fought back and kept their land. Also in Germany, Hitler led his country into a battle against Poland in 1939 (presentations), this caused tension amongst the various nations and was a cause for World War II.
            Nationalism and Imperialism both connect to World War II as the beliefs held by the two ideas caused tension between many nations, many of whom were later involved in the second World War. In nationalism, the pride held in one’s nation inspired by totalitarian leaders caused tension between different nations which ultimately was a reason for World War II. Imperialism inspired a warlike aggression between nations where many nations invaded each other, causing tension that ultimately resulted in World War II.-Tyler Jung

Term 3 Extra Credit

Peter Hereu

The two units that I think I can connect together and further connect to World 2 would be imperialism and nationalist movements. The way I am connecting these three units would be how imperialism and nationalism were causes of World War 2 and further more how nationalism was within imperialism. Nationalism was found within imperialism, as these leaders that conducted these imperialistic movements would give the soldiers a reason to fight for their country. For example, in Italy Mussolini arranged for every soldier that was wounded was to where a patch that said, “it doesn’t matter”. This would emphasize the fact that the personal injury didn’t matter as the outcome for the country was more crucial. Another example would be in Japan, which was to believe in the gods that the totalitarian leader spoke of. This would give the soldiers a great reason to fight for their country. Both these examples happened before an imperialistic action to therefore make the nation stronger.

To more specifically connect all three of these units, Imperialism used nationalism to give the soldiers a reason to fight and believe in the nation, which would create successful imperialistic actions. Then furthermore connecting World War 2 as the use of nationalism and imperialism created international tension that created the all-important domino effect to create a second world war.    

term 3 extra credit

Teddy Warmington
Extra credit

Those who lived during the ages of the Industrial Revolution, Interwar Totalitarianism, and World War II, were affected by the harsh exploitation of their leaders. While in the industrial revolution, English industrialists took full advantage of the theory Laissez Faire. Since the state wasn’t  interfering with the economic activities of the people, factories provided the workers with long hours, and very small wages. The owners of these businesses exploited the people by paying the workers low wages  just so that they could maximize their profits. When Stalin initiated a centralized economy, the totalitarian government controlled what would be produced and who would produce it. By regulating where, when, and how the people worked, the Russian government exploited their people and industries by making them work work long hours, and produce large amounts with little pay. This exploitation travels into World War II, where the use of forced labor proves to be a vital part of the Germany’s economic stability. As the war progressed, the use of slave labor increased massively in order to provide labor in the German war industry, repair bombed railroads and bridges, or work on farms. The Nazi’s exploited Prisoners in the labor camps who were worked to death on short rations and in bad conditions, or killed if they became unable to work. The exploitation of people are seen throughout the industrialization revolution, Interwar Totalitarianism and World War II.

Diana Katsikaris

4/1

 Extra Credit- Term 3: Connection Between Units 

The Units: Nationalist Movements, World War I, and Interwar Totalitarianism all connect through social development, which leads to the consideration of drawing upon a conclusion of the start of World War II. In Nationalist Movements, each nation was trying to boost its individual morale by trying to benefit the nation as a whole. In spite of nationalist movements, the Totalitarian Regime enforced new ways of living and benefiting the nation as a whole through the power of one sole leader. The Japanese believed that they had the strongest nationalism, and were pushed into forming unity and following their leader, Mao Zedong. In Italy, Mussolini gave Italians pride and loyalty through their country through fascism. Fascism was the glorification of the nation-state itself. In Germany, Nationalism referred to the superiority of the Aryan race. Hitler gave the people hope after the mental destruction of Germany after World War I, and helped to boost the German morale. The German nationalists also believed that Germany, and the German people in particular were the most pure, which gave them the right to conquer other nations and “purify” them. Back tracking to the end of World War I, the Treaty of Versailles granted protection to the nation-states that had been physically destroyed after the war such as Italy, France, and Great Britain. After the war, nations decided to build upon their own nationalist beliefs and under the rule of totalitarian leaders were able to boost their moral and become stronger. Furthermore, the Treaty of Versailles was the catalyst for building tension between the nations, because each nation was able to become stronger, and each had the form of the belief that they were better than the rest. Moving foreword, the start of World War II resulted with the disappearance of the Treaty of Versailles completely, because the German people felt that they were the best and purist race out there, therefore giving them the right to begin their “purification” of the other nations. Also, the German people were angered with their treatment during the time of the Treaty of Versailles, giving them more of a reason to boost up their strength and attack for revenge. The Units: Nationalist Movements, World War I, Interwar Totalitarianism, and World War II, all have a connection because each event was a cause that lead up to the uproar of World War II. The nationalist movements gave the nations a way to boost their morale and better their nation, while World War I caused a treaty that gave protections to be made in order for each nation to turn to totalitarianism and further better themselves in the race to be on top, concluding in World War II where the German people seeked their revenge and felt that they were the purist and need to begin purifying all of the nations. 

The two units that I think intertwine the most with World War Two are World War One and Interwar Totalitarianism. This is because I believe those units are the two main causes of how the second world war started.  After World War One, Japan, China, Italy, Germany and Russia were left in complete chaos.  All countries were left in great debt, with no way to pay it off.  Along with the economic instability, China had trouble with trade, Italy had no natural resources, and both Russia and Germany were in a state of extreme poverty and inflation. Consequently, because of all of the chaos left from WW1, the people of those countries were in despair. They craved a leader who could promise and fulfill beneficial change. Moreover, this is when Totalitarian Leaders stepped in and gained complete control.

Although the Totalitarian leaders stepped in and various changes were made, chaos involving the citizens arose. For example, the rights of the people decreased drastically and  "[the leaders] scorned the democratic ideals of civil liberties, of the dignity the individual, and world peace, and they openly declared their intent to destroy democracy" (49).  The citizens were no longer able to act for themselves, "If the state was a machine, its citizens were simply parts- parts that worked smoothly and quietly were oiled. Those that made noise were removed and discarded" (62). Therefore in spite of the citizen's rights decreasing, even more chaos evolved.

World War One and Interwar Totalitarianism intertwined the most with World War Two because of the effect they had on the countries, causing the war to begin.

Natasha Snapper

Purple Block

Term 3 Extra Credit

Term 3 Extra Credit 

Eunice Lee

Tan

        Among different units we studied this year, I feel strong connection between the Industrial Revolution, Imperialism, and the World War II unit. Industrial Revolution had indirect influence on World War II because it stimulated the Europeans to compete against each other for profit and productivity, which eventually built tension to spark two series of World War. As England became the most industrialized nation in the world, other nations such as Germany, France, and Holland strived to catch up their economy with England. The Europeans desire to make their industry dominant caused them to colonize other parts of the world such as Africa and exploited natural resources and labor forces to boost their economy, which was the start of imperialism. Although Industrial Revolution provided better opportunity for the neglected class, from the perspective of transformation in humanity, the human’s selfish greed for wealth and property has caused these kinds of competition, abuse of the colony, and tension among nations. The tensions between European nation piled up and exploded as World War I. Despite the attempt to avoid another war, there were people who still desired to become superior to other nation through any means. Such as Hitler in Germany, who blamed on the Jews for their economic hardship and loss of war so that he can unify the Germans to restore their nation and become dominant;thus, World War II was inevitable. Moreover, human’s avarice for wealth and power caused some dictatorial leaders to use realpolitik, diplomacy based primarily on power and material factors, rather than ethical notion. From our imperialism unit, the Belgium emperor, King Leopold used realpolitik to get rubbers and labor forces at Congo. There were Congolian slaves who died because of the excessive labor and assault from the Belgium observer. Similarly, in World War II, Hitler used realpolitik in which he disseminated propagandas that showed the Jewish concentration camp as an peaceful and friendly place, which in fact was created in a purpose of a massive genocide. Therefore, all of these three units connects with the common human selfish nature for possession and power that caused conflicts and mistreatments of certain groups.

Term 2 Extra Credit

Eunice Lee

Tan

Term 2 Extra Credit

  During our Imperialism Essay Assignment, I completed 6 drafts. The sources of my feedback was from social study lab teachers, especially Ms. Bel. One of the common types of feedback that I received was that my topic sentences has confusing analysis. Another common feedback that I received was that I do have a an idea/argument, but the syntax and dictions are incomprehensible. Based on the feedbacks and suggestions, I eliminated words that were unnecessary and switched the syntax to make it coherent. After revision, I checked the social studies lab schedule for Ms. Bel, and visited when she was there to ask for another feedback on the weaknesses that she mentioned before. 

In order to prevent similar mistakes in my future writing, first, after I write a essay outline, I will try to ask myself if my topic sentences are argumentative and not factual,  even before writing down evidences and analysis. Secondly, I will read out loud to myself and if it sounds weird, I will edit it so that I can fix some parts by myself before asking other peer for feedback.

                 One of the example that I improved an aspect of my writing is from my Imperialism essay thesis. For the first draft of the thesis, although I had an idea about my argument, I could not think of the words to express my thought and was not sure how I should put it into a thesis that others can understand my point. This was my first draft of thesis: “Although European’s were justified to the extent that they altered inhumane tradition of the colonies in order to establish equality and justice, their contradictory assimilation was injustice without understanding of native’s culture, which destroyed their heritage and lives of the natives”. So, for this first draft,  I got a feedback that “contradictory assimilation” is confusing and unclear. Additionally, my thesis did not fully captured the arguments that I made in my three body paragraphs. After I told Ms.Bel that I was struggling to find a word that can describe the imperialist’s unjustified action to the natives that was contradictory to what they claimed to “help” the natives, she suggested the word “hypocritical”; and this was exactly the word that I wanted to describe the imperial powers in my argument. From that point, I edited my thesis with the new diction and changed my analysis(in thesis) based on my arguments from body paragraphs. After several visit to Ms.Bel and self-edit, my thesis became more coherent and relevant to my body paragraphs: “Although imperial powers attempted to establish equality and justice in the colonies’ traditions , their  hypocritical assimilation countered their stated goals, making it unjustifiable to the extent that it resulted destruction of culture and livelihood in colonies”. Although I still received a feedback that my thesis is a bit wordy and I still need to work on my sentences concise and coherent, I was pleased by the improvements that I made through my effort to seek for help from teachers and by myself. 

Term two extra credit

 Term two extra credit:

The example that I will choose to show improvement due to formative assessment is my Nationalism essay. I got this feedback from one of the teachers in the history, which was extremely helpful. I completed 3 drafts after I received this help from the teacher in the history lab. She was very helpful as she did not only edit my paper but also spoke to me to explain what she was doing and giving me tips on how to do it myself. This was great because it was much easier to go back home and edit twice more with the tips the teacher gave me. The most common types of feedback that I received where mostly grammatical mistakes that made it difficult to understand my big idea. This would then lead to another common edit that I needed to make which was to explain with more analysis how my ideas connect to my big idea. How I corrected all these problems was to go back and proofread my paper first for grammatical errors and then go over it once more to add more specific analysis. Proofreading was really the main thing that I needed to do in order to improve my writing. This leads to the conclusion that the way I will prevent these mistakes is to proofread a little better because as I could tell, made a gigantic difference. I spoke about one of the leaders that did not listen to anything the people said but I didn’t tie it back. But the history teacher helped me and told me to add analysis, so I did. “The people wanted a quick change and wanted to make a mark that accurately portrays their oppression as to be seen as a catapult induce change”.  Formative assessment really helped me.

Peter Hereu 

               Natasha Snapper

Purple Block

Jan. 21st 2013

Term Two Extra Credit

          One of the formative assessments I completed this term was the Imperialism essay. During the process of writing this essay I revised multiple drafts. There was a total of about 6 drafts in this process. The first draft was an outline and a body paragraph. The second draft, was peer edited by my classmates. The third draft was edited by Ms Shapero. The fourth draft was one that I self edited, then revised. The fifth draft was edited by one of my peers and my dad. Then finally, I proof-read and printed my final draft. Later on, after getting back my essay, I did one final draft of a body paragraph.
           The most common types of feedback I received were times where I was redundant, wasn't specific enough, had awkward phrasing, or my analysis did not connect back to the question that I was aiming to answer. I addressed those common mistakes by going to the places where the feedback occurred and made sure I understood what I could improve on. Then, I went and revised the places where my essay needed revision and kept those recurring mistakes in mind, striving not to make them again. In my future writing I will keep in mind the common mistakes I usually make, and then go over my draft and make sure there are not places where I made those mistakes. I will re-read my essay out loud seeing if there is any awkward phrasing I can re-word. Also, I will go through each of my analyses and remind myself of the question I am aiming to answer, then making sure I am successfully answering it. Also, I will make sure there are no redundant words, phrases or sentences I could get rid of. Lastly, I will read my essay multiple times and make sure there aren't any places I could be more specific. In my drafts of my writing there were a lot of times I was not being specific on who I was talking about. There were multiple times I would be vague and say “Europeans” which confused many of the people who edited my writing. The first part where I made my writing more specific was when I changed “ although the Europeans changed many things..” to “ although the British changed tradition..”. This allowed the reader to understand exactly who I was talking about and what they specifically changed. Overall I thought the process of formative assessments results in improvements throughout my writing.

Diana Katsikaris 

Blue Block 

1/13

Term 2: Extra Credit

          A writing assignment from this term in which we used formative assessment was the Nationalism Essay. I completed four drafts, the first draft, the draft with feedback from my peers during the writing workshop, the draft on paragraph one from Ms. Shapero, and then the final draft. The sources of my feedback were from a peer in writing workshop, Ms. Shapero, a teacher from the history lab and my mom, who read over the final product. The most common types of feedback I received were being too vague, and needing to clarify, and to eliminate unnecessary words in my writing. In my later drafts, this feedback was addressed by re-reading my paper multiple times, searching for dead words, and crossing out the unnecessary words as well. Also, trying to spread out my ideas instead of bunching them up in one vague sentence. To prevent similar mistakes in my future writing, I will constantly re-read my paper checking for dead words, and work sentence by sentence in order to spread out my ideas and avoid being vague. 

One specific example involving all of my drafts in which I improved in my writing because of formative assessment was the process of crafting a decent thesis statement that had a factual and judgmental statement. In my first draft my thesis was: “By broadcasting the ideas of change to becoming a free and independent nation, the recognition of the individual is emphasized through individuality and liberty, which is what divided and conquered the necessary changes in each nation.” After visiting the lab my thesis statement was now: “By broadcasting the ideas of change as a process to becoming a free and independent nation, the recognition of the individual is emphasized through individuality and liberty which is what allowed the necessary changes in each nation to be made.” My thesis was still vague and was too long, so after day to in the writing workshop it was edited to be: “Although nationalism moved away from the focus of military power, it did however recognize the individual, who was emphasized through individuality and liberty which allowed governmental changes to be made throughout the nation.” Then, after being edited by Ms. Shapero, my final thesis statement after the feedback revision portion of the assignment read: “Although Nationalism brought a decline in military power, it placed an emphasis on the individual, who aimed for liberty, mutually beneficial relationships, republics, and united fatherlands in their new nations.” Through the process of formative assessment, my thesis statement became more detailed and contained a factual statement: “who aimed for liberty, mutually beneficial relationships, republics and united fatherlands in their new nations,” and a judgmental statement: “Although Nationalism brought a decline in military power, it placed emphasis on the individual.” The process of formative assessment helped me to improve my thesis statement by narrowing it down to specifics, and moving away from being vague.   

Term 1 Extra Credit (TAN)

Eunice Lee

TAN

Ms.Shapero

Extra Credit for Term 1

From this term, I demonstrated a growth mind-set for the Industrial Revolution Writing Workshop assignment. This assignment was to create a thesis based on what we have learned throughout the Industrial revolution unit and write a body paragraph. Unfortunately, on the day of the writing work shop, I realized that I had to write a body paragraph for homework , not only the essay outline. I was embarrassed by my clumsiness and bewildered because I was confident after working hard on the outline for homework. While other classmates were peer-editing each other’s paragraphs, I thought that I would not be able to get any edit from peer and my essay won’t improve much. So, after class, I sent my body paragraph to my writing workshop group members for peer-edit. One of the peer said many of my evidences that I felt strongly confident in body my paragraph was too stretched and not directly related to my argument. Although I arrived in class not completely prepared for the writing workshop and had to work extra at home, I tried to encourage myself that I can revise my essay and make it stronger and clear. Also I told myself that I have enough time to work on it during the weekend as well. First, I tried to compare the feedbacks from two different peers so that I can make changes based on the feedbacks that they both gave. Afterwards, the second draft seemed more clear and had relevant evidences. I usually hesitate to take out some wordy sentences or analysis because I thought it makes my analysis more deeper. However, for this essay assignment, I took a risk to take out sentences that made my argument unclear and irrelevant to the topic sentence. Additionally, since I knew that I always struggle with word choices and grammar, I searched dictionary for more appropriate dictions and corrected the grammars. After several revisions, I compared my final draft with my first one. I was able to see improvements in my essay. It was more concise and clear. Even the words that was unclear in the first draft was understandable. I also visited social studies lab to make sure my essay was concise from teacher’s prospective as well. Luckily, Mr. Getz gave me a feedback that overall my essay has a strong idea and relevant evidences except for few parts were unclear. My growth mind-set improved my social study writing skill that I thought about it in fixed-mind set, believing that I will always have a limited ability to write social studies essay because of my language barrier.

world history extra credit

Evan Megan

Purple

10/31/12

During term one I demonstrated a growth mindset when transitioning from the Thomas Malthus paragraph onto larger writing assignments such as the first writing workshop, in which I made an essay outline about how industrialization spurred new ideologies about social and political rights. When writing the Thomas Malthus paragraph, I used writing strategies from last year, such as always making clear connections between analysis and the thesis. After getting the paragraph back, you hadn’t written a grade, but instead formative comments, which included making a clear topic sentence. By receiving comments instead of a grade on my paragraph, my attention became focused on improving my writing, as opposed to accepting my grade with a fixed mindset. Using a growth mindset, I pursued improving my writing by targeting specific elements which I had received comments on, such as topic sentences, during the writing workshop assignment. I saw a big improvement in the writing workshop assignment from my Thomas Malthus paragraph because, the growth mindset I had allowed me to focus on improving my work in specific areas I had received formative comments on.