Tyler Jung
9/14/12
Purple
Malthus
Although the poor lack the self-restraint of the rich and wealthy to reproduce beyond the population that the food supply is able to support, the population must be governed in order to supply the demands of the rest of the population through both preventative and positive population checks. The poor lack the self-restraint that the rich people have in controlling their natural urges, including restraining from sex and food. Many poor families have many more children than they financially are able to support. These people choose to ignore the preventative checks that would help keep the population at a balanced level. Also, the rate at which the poor breed, is much faster than the positive population checks can hold. Disease, war, famine etc. lead to the deaths of people, and because the poor have so many children, they are unable to keep them alive, thus killing the poor people. This is not bad as it leads to a more balanced society with less poor people. On the contrary, the rich have the ability to restrain and control their desires, keeping the population lower. The food supply increases, as will the population, but because the poor people lack the ability restrain their breeding, the population will rise much faster than the food supply. This must be fixed because everyone needs food, but the poor people do not need to live anymore because they are ruining the balance between food and population growth. The poor are to blame for their own decline, as they are the ones have made themselves poor and one should not feel sympathy for them because then they will just continue to breed, increases the population to a point at which there is not enough food for ANYONE, including the rich people.
I like the comparison of the poor and rich and how you went into detail on the fact that the rich can control themselves. However, some parts are unclear and make it sound like the poor reproducing too much is okay since they're dying anyways.
ReplyDeleteThanks Catherine! I will definitely try to make some parts of my paragraph clearer and more exact to Malthus' feelings.
DeleteYou could use some more analysis on your first piece of evidence. I had trouble differentiating your second and third pieces of evidence, that could probably be fixed by a clearer argument and transitions. Nice conclusion, i like the ANYONE. So ya go raiders.
ReplyDelete-Evan Megan
It's a really good paragraph. I would try to incorporate at least one quote in it and use some more analysis with your evidence
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I think that you could consider adding the word "not" in your thesis sentence after he word "wealthy". I think this will make your thesis much easier to understand. I really like your analysis, but you could consider rethinking word choice/arrangement in order to help the reader understand your point. :)
ReplyDeleteTyler,
ReplyDeleteProvide more specifics to the evidence that you are trying to present. Back up your statements with some good facts and also talk more about the checks.
good paragraph Tyler, although the thesis is a little bit wordy and unclear. Next time maybe you could try to be a little bit more concise with your wording.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you go into detail about the population outgrowing the food, but you could describe what the checks are a little more than you did.
ReplyDeleteTYLER I just love it :)..... IT is a really gooe paragraph maybe you could add a litlle more analysis but otherwise its amazing
ReplyDelete