Malthus
Man has the power to control the population and food through preventive checks, balancing the birth rate brought on by the poor blaming the upper class and not taking the responsibility for their poverty which causes inequality between between the number of people and the amount of food. The poor's poverty increases as they have more kids and they can't maintain that many kids so they blame the upper class . yet the poor still have more children so that creates a unequal balance in the population and food. With preventitive checks though you can balance the population and food by knowing the amount of people.
you need to add evidence from the reading to support your thesis and you should also add more analysis to the paragraph.
ReplyDeleteYou should include more evidence and explain more how these checks are important and what they do.
ReplyDeleteExplain more about what the preventative checks are and how they actually help a society. There are also a few grammar mistakes. ( capitalization, commas.)
ReplyDeleteI think you could use more evidence and your first sentence is very long so I would suggest cutting it into 2 separate sentences.
ReplyDeleteI think you have some run-on sentences that are wordy and hard to follow so you might want to shorten to help improve the clarity of your paragraph.
ReplyDelete-Amy
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA thing I would change is the thesis, because its a run-on. But overall great job!
ReplyDeleteYou have the idea, but by adding detailed evidence your paragraph will be stronger.
ReplyDeleteI like it but I would try to shorten the first sentence because it seems pretty long other than that its gooood.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to explain what a preventative check is, and clarify how the poor add to the population, as well as connect your paragraph back to your thesis in more sentences.
ReplyDelete