Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Population control is necessary through natural and man-controlled checks in order to stabilize food supply because the poor reproduces more than they can manage. Natural checks include poverty, epidemics, and warfare. These all work towards keeping the population down, which would allow everyone a stable amount of food. Preventative checks include man's superior mindset which does not allow man, specifically the poor, to realize that his financial state cannot support many children. However, the poor continually breeds. Food grows at a slower rate than population, and this supply is bound to run out if the poor continues to breed. Additionally, the poor blames society and government when it is themselves they should blame for not maintaining the balance between food supply and population.
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You might want to include why population grows faster than food, also you should use synonyms for breed instead of repeatedly saying breed.
ReplyDeleteI think that you should also mention that the poor where upset at the rich because they were all getting the food except the poor didn't realize that they were the ones that were over producing which affected all of the population.
ReplyDeleteI like your examples but I would try to use more transition words to make the paragraph flow better.
ReplyDeleteI'll start by saying I like where your going. On the other hand, to me, this looks likes a list of facts or notes to me. To improve, you need to prove a point, rather than just summarizing. Explanation of your reasoning would also make your paragraph stronger.
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph has good information in it! In your topic sentence you could explain why natural disasters fix the issue of how the poor reproduces more than they can manage. You could make an overall conclusion sentence.
ReplyDeleteThanks, it makes sense that I should include more analysis about how positive and preventative checks fixes the issue at hand. Also, thanks for mentioning it: a concluding sentence is something I will definitely add to my paragraph.
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