Friday, September 14, 2012
Although the population increase improves the labor force Malthus criticizes the lower class for reproducing beyond their limits and insist upon positive and preventative checks in order to create a balance in population and food. Furthermore, Malthus believed that families should only have as many children as they could afford to feed. The food production was linear while the population increase was exponential, this results in starvation for many people. Malthus blamed the lower class for this problem and therefore wanted them eliminated. In conclusion, he suggested preventable checks in order to remove children from lower class families and in his mind resolve the issue. Although Malthus ideas were positive in a way to solve the issues, he came at them the wrong way for blaming only one social class.
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You have a lot of specific evidence that support your thesis, however I think you could add more analysis to connect your evidence to your thesis. In addition, your thesis is a little wordy, I think you could condense it. In addition, I like how you rounded off your paragraph by giving your own opinion.
ReplyDeleteGood paragraph. There was a lot of fancy transition words. You also had a good explenation of Malthus ideas. At the end i don't know if your supposed to give an opinion because i think the paragraphs suppose to be just about what Malthus thinks.
ReplyDeleteheeeeyyyy;) Good paragraphhh , Your topic sentence is strong, and it supports your thesis. However, I would add some more analysis to back up your strong evidence.
ReplyDeletethanks natasha! your feedback helped me make my paragraph stronger :)
DeleteNice topic sentence, I think you did a good job of connecting your thesis to you evidence. Your evidence would be even better, however, if you maybe backed it up with a bit more analysis to strengthen your argument.
ReplyDelete