Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Malthus first draft

Population checks must be implemented in order to sustain a society, which cannot grow larger than its food supply, and issues regarding insufficient amounts of food, and, poverty, are one’s own problem.  As Malthus said, “Population, when unchecked, increases in a geometrical ratio. Subsistence only increases in an arithmetical ratio.” (97). Meaning that population (overtime) will outgrow the natural rate that that its food supply grows, leaving a large percent of man living in a state of famine. Malthus believes that one reason for this is that man cannot look around and see poverty increasing around him; and that poverty seeks those with large families more often. This is because man can’t calculate the amount each unnecessary element and possession is worth in and to his life. But if man could, he would be able to get rid of things he doesn’t need to make a better life for his family. “When the wages of labour are hardly sufficient to maintain two a man marries and have 5 or 6. He of course finds himself miserably distressed” (99).  –Jelani Narcisse (Blue Block)


  1. Good paragraph except you should not end with a quote, but you should add an analysis of the quote and restate your topic sentence in different words. You can edit the 10th grade world history label into your paragraph.

  2. The first sentence seems like a lot of things squeezed into a one sentence. trying focusing in on a more general topic.

    Also don't end your paragraph with a quotation. Add analysis to the quotation then sum up the paragraph with a closing sentence.

    1. Thanks for the feedback, ending my paragraph with a quote was a mistake, but I was going to use it to connect all of the topics that I did brief on (or tried to brief on) in my clincher/Conclusion sentence.

  3. Great use of quotes and context but, add context to the last quote to finish strong. Also good strong thesis statement, it brings in the reader and captures the essence of the general topic.

  4. Hey Jelani, Great use of quotes but one thing you could change is add a closing sentence to grab ther reader instead of a quote.

  5. I agree with garrett in the sense that you shouldn't end on a quote. The last sentence is meant to state your point, in a way, its a second thesis. This I've noticed with a lot of pieces, words are overused. use pronouns to mix it up a bit.