Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Malthus Paragraph 
Draft 1 

       While a large population gives factories more employees, it causes the food supply to run low, therefore causing positive checks to be necessary, in order to prevent the poor from over population and blaming the government. Malthus states that positive checks are needed to make sure there is enough food for the people. Malthus says there are "two powers of population and productions in the earth, and that great law of our nature which must constantly keep their efforts equal..." he believes people should limit the amount of children they have so there "is power in the earth to produce subsistence for man". People should limit the amount of children that have so there is at least enough food for everyone to survive. There were issues with the poor over populating and complaining about lack of food. Malthus states if they were to listen and to have less children then they would have more food because there would be less mouths to feed. In addition to this, Malthus also relied on the positive checks, natural disasters are one example of a positive check. He believed that natural checks were natures way of making sure the population did not exceed the food production. Overall, Malthus believed people needed to control the population and that positive check also maintained the population so that the population did not exceed the food production.
    -Sarah Hollingsworth 


  1. Hi Sarah

    I really like how you integrated the Malthus quotes in your sentences. The quotes didn't make your sentences sound awkward or choppy and really helped get the point across. I think in some places there are repetitive sentences so reading it over again and taking out/combining sentences might help improve the clarity of your paragraph.

  2. hi-i think this is overall really good. I love the quote that you added into the paragraph as a example. A few things you could change are: you use the phrasing 'Malthus States' or 'Malthus thinks' a lot...maybe try and use a different word other than think or states, or put He in place of Malthus. Also, in the last sentence it should be positive checks* Maybe in the last sentence you could re-word a bit instead of "maintained the population so that the population did not exceed the food production" you could say "overall Malthus believed that people needed to control the population and that the positive checks also continued to maintain the population and the food production did not exceed," or something like that! Good job and hoped this helped:)

  3. hello:)
    I like how you integrated your quoters because they made it really seem like it was malthus's point and made your sentences sound like they were really his. One thing that i see is that your are repeating your self in some of the sentences because it seems like you don't have enough to say. try to read the short reading again and see if you can find any more evidence!

  4. Hi Sarah- i like the use of quotes and anaylisis that really helps towards the growth of your paragraph, your paragraph is strong in the fact that the evidence works well with your context, the only thing is to read it aloud to pick up on minor issues, but other than that you have a strong paragraph that does not need much change.

  5. Girls and Peter,
    I will work on intergrading the quotes, changing some of the sentences that repeat, and finding more evidence. thank you :)